Fireworks might be rare when dating, and sometimes the sparks that fly between two people can even hard to miss. The signs you’re sexually compatible with your partner aren’t always evident before you’ve had sex, and might even take time to build throughout a physical relationship. Sexual compatibility is also much more than whether or not you two can give each other pleasure. Elite Daily reached out to two different dating experts who said that sexual chemistry is as much about how your bodies perform together as how you relate to one another as human beings.
Because when we’re getting right down to it, sex is just another way of relating to another person. There are as many variables as there are with any other human you interact with as you go about your day. Chemistry isn’t always totally cut and dry, notes Tawkify matchmaker and dating coach Cora Boyd.
“You might have the most incendiary conversations with someone, but when it comes to the physical there’s just something. lacking,” she says. And sexual compatibility doesn’t always mean that someone has the emotional cojones you need, either. Boyd continues, “You might find little intriguing common ground with someone out on the streets, but when it comes to the sheets you find you speak the same physical language.” It’s all a part of the dating game.
1. Anticipating Needs
According to Boyd, a positive indicator that the two of you are sexually compatible is how well somebody attend to your needs.
“Say you’re at Chipotle – tried and true ground breeding ground for sexual tension. Does your person of interest get you a glass of water, or do they only get one for themselves?” she asks.
Boyd says that the devil’s in the details when it comes to signs of sexual chemistry. “The little ways in which a person anticipates your needs can speak volumes.”
2. Eye Contact
Boyd knows all about the power of some good, steamy eye contact. “Psychologically, eye contact can build arousal, intimacy, and trust,” she says. Prolonged eye contact means that a person is willing to engage in tension with you.
“There’s a good chance that they won’t shy away from holding that deliciously flirtatious tension with you physically,” she says.
3. Letting Loose
For Olivia Taylor, another Tawkify matchmaker and dating consultant, the definition of sexual chemistry is “the ability to be as absolutely bonkers and explicit and wild in your dirty talk as possible.”
She says that dirty talk demonstrates that you are comfortable with your partner and know that they aren’t going to judge you. At the same time, it shows that you know exactly what they want to hear.
Why is dirty talk so significant to sex? “Actions don’t speak louder than words in bed,” Balsinger says. “Words come from a mental space, whereas what your body does is coming from a space of reaction. Dirty talk is an additional layer [of intimacy] that comes after the physical.”
4. Receptivity To Feedback
Finally, Boyd says that the key to good sexual chemistry is knowing that you can’t read a person’s mind, and they can’t read yours. “In order to get what you want sexually,” she says, “you have to ask for it.”
A defensive person who can’t receive feedback from you gracefully won’t be willing to go to the next level without making it about themselves. Before this happens, she recommends paying attention to how they receive criticism before you get physically intimate.
“If you disagree with them over their theory of brown versus green M&Ms and they get defensive, take note,” she says.
“If they are genuinely curious to learn and understand our point of view, go forth. Feel [their curiosity] translate into the bedroom. and thank me later,” she quips.
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